Easy
by Cherry8914
Summary: Lisa's dreams are filled with a man she knows she should remember.  When she finally does and meets up with him again, how will things go?


A/N: I own nothing. The Supernatural characters belong to Kripke and the CW. I just like to play with them.

**Easy**

_The truth is  
>That I miss lyin' in those arms of his<br>But I don't ever let it show  
>I laugh and I act like<br>I'm having the time of my life  
>as far as he knows…<em>

She awoke with a gasp, the same way she did most nights. She laid there panting on the bed, hands pushing back her sweat covered hair. As her pounding heart began to slow, she replayed the dream, or nightmare really, over and over again in her mind.

In it she was holding a knife to Ben's neck, threatening him as she kept them both away from the man before them. The same man that had been appearing in most of her dreams. They had to be memories; why else did she dream these events so clearly? The man was handsome, extremely handsome, tall with light freckling and these piercing hazel green eyes. They were in some warehouse or something, they had been brought there against her will…and suddenly she couldn't control her actions or words. It was like she was trapped inside her own body. She screamed and screamed, hoping the man would hear her and know something was wrong, but he never answered her. Instead she could this laughter, but it wasn't hers…

_Demon. _

The word suddenly popped into her mind. It had been a demon. A demon had taken over her body, using her against the man, knowing he wouldn't hurt her. In the end the demon had made her knife herself, hoping to kill her and in turn hurt the man.

In the dreams, every single one of them, she always woke up with this ache in her chest, like she was missing something or someone. But for the life of her she couldn't remember the man's name. It had to be him; he had to be the reason for the feeling in her chest. She lay awake for hours, trying to force herself to remember, but the only thing that happened was a migraine. She remembered all sorts of things, meeting the man in a bar a few months before she found out she was pregnant with Ben. Wondering what she would do if the child was his…and finding out it wasn't. She remembered him bringing Ben back to her and finding out that there were…things…out there. Things that most people only had nightmares about. She remembered him showing up at her house, the grief he felt over the loss of his brother almost too much to bear. The first day he willingly came out of his room and went out with her and Ben for the day. She remembered making love to the man, over and over again. But she couldn't remember his name or why he wasn't around anymore.

And then, one day she woke up the same as always, gasping for breath, an ache in her chest.

"Dean." She whispered to the empty room.

Dean. His name was Dean. Dean Winchester. Why hadn't she remembered that? Why had she even forgotten in the first place? She loved him. Loved him more than anything except for her son. How could she have forgotten him?

Grabbing her cell phone she had dialed his number she knew by heart…only to hear it was out of service. None of it made sense. And then she remembered the hospital. Dean saying he had hit her car with her and Ben inside. He had apologized, told Ben to look after her. He had been saying good-bye…only she hadn't known it then. She hadn't even remembered him. He had done something, something to her memories, to her and Ben both.

Furious didn't even begin to explain how angry she was with him. How dare he mess with her mind? Her memories? Who did he think he was? Those were her precious thoughts, hers, not his. He had no right to tamper with them the way he did.

She stayed that way for weeks, thinking that if she ever saw him again he would get a piece of her mind.

Then she began to think about it more, look at it from his point of view. He had always been terrified that something was going to happen to her and Ben, that something would use them against him. And it had finally happened. The demon that had threatened to kill Ben…to kill her. That had been the last straw for him. He had done it to keep them safe. But did he remember them? If he did, how could he live with the memories? The idea that he could never see her or Ben again? It was killing her.

It was then that she vowed to obey his wish. No matter how hard it was, no matter how much it hurt. She wouldn't go looking for him. She wouldn't contact that man…Bobby…to try and get a hold of him. She would keep moving forward, just her and Ben.

Because of this vow she was surprised that it had to be put into action only a short week later.

That weekend she was taking Ben shopping for some back to school clothes. Wanting to get a new work out outfit for herself and a few other odds and ends as well, they had stopped by Target. Shoes having always been an addiction of hers, she dragged Ben alone to look down the aisle, promising to buy him a pair if he found one he liked. Just as she was pushing a foot into a pair of cute black flats, she heard it. Heard him.

"Damn it Sam, just pick a pair. This isn't some fashion show we're buying for. Just get the damn shoes."

Dean.

Heart pounding in her chest she quickly replaced the flats and slipped her own shoes back on before leaving the aisle and glancing down the next, trying to look casual.

"We're leaving already? Seriously?" Ben grinned, "This is a new record for you mom."

She couldn't do more than make a sound of agreement, her eyes locked on Dean's back. She saw his shoulders stiffen, his hands ball into fists. And then, slowly, he turned around. Their eyes met, neither looking away for a moment.

"Hey, you're that guy!" Ben chirped up. "From the hospital."

He grinned, but she could tell it was fake…forced. "Yeah, I am. You guys doing okay?"

Lisa nodded, "Fine." What more could she say?

"Good. Good." His hands slipped into his jean pockets, starting to show how uncomfortable the situation was making him.

Next to him Sam stood tall, a pair of boots in his hands, looking from her and Ben to Dean.

"Well, uh…we gotta get going." He said, jamming a thumb over his shoulder, looking anywhere but at her.

"Right, of course. So do we. Back to school shopping. Every year I think this is the year he's finally going to break me with all the things he swears he needs." She told them, not wanting to let them leave so soon.

She was torturing herself. She knew it. But that didn't stop her.

Sam gave them a friendly smile, "Shopping for school supplies is pretty much the coolest part about going back to school."

"Totally." Ben agreed, standing on the lower edge of the cart and tipping it slightly.

"I guess, we'd better get going then." She muttered, eyes going back to Dean.

Catching Sam's eye she gave him a sad smile, nodding towards Dean who was already turning away to leave, murmuring his good-byes. Silently she tried to tell his brother to take care of him. Seeing Sam's eyes widen, realization dawning in them, she pressed her lips together, hoping she couldn't cry. He nodded, his eyebrows furrowed with his frown.

And then…she turned away. Walking away from the man she loved, the only man she knew she would ever love as much as him. The man who had taught her so much…who had meant so much to her.

But this was how he wanted it…or maybe not wanted…but needed it to be.

It wasn't easy, in fact it was rather hard to make it look so easy, but she would do. All she wanted was for things to be easier on him. Even if it broke her.


End file.
